Heaven, what the Hell is Heaven?

A view of Monrovia from the air - my home away from home

Beyond the rules of religion

The cloth of conviction

Above all the competition

Where fact and fiction meet

There's no color lines castes or classes

There's no fooling the masses

Whatever faith you practice

Whatever you believe

Oh, Heaven, Heaven

What the Hell is Heaven?

Throw away your misconceptions

There's no walls around Heaven

There's no codes you gotta know to get in

No minutemen no border patrol

You must lose your earthly possessions

Leave behind your weapons

You can't buy your salvation

And there is no pot of gold…

There are no guns on the street in Monrovia. This is simply mind blowing given the fact this country was torn apart by multiple civil wars over the last two decades. Instead, the weapons of choice are words. Angry words, loving words and words of salvation and redemption. The capital city Monrovia – named after President Monroe - has more churches than any place on the planet. Period. Everything is somehow inspired by, labeled with or branded through Biblical verse. More specifically Biblical verse straight out of the King James Version. Blessed anointed hairdresser. Shadrack Meshak and Abendigo grocers . Blessed Overcomer Auto Parts. Lo and verily office supplies. The list is endless. My favorite branding thoughts though are those found on the back of the ubiquitous yellow taxis. These Datsun like fossils are held together with duct tape, bailing wire and sometimes hundreds of those plastic zip ties police use for handcuffs. They carry up to 8 or 9 people crammed in for short or long distances. One hails these vehicles from the roadside with a wave at waist level that is a combination of a shaka, a quiet down hand signal and a throwing the dice motion. There are of course a million variations but elements of all of the above are in every one. The backs of these vehicles are painted with mostly Bible verses. Corinthians and Proverbs are especially popular. Some are more nebulous like "do not me" and “Boy Armah”.  Others are straight to the point "Shut Up!”  The most clever one by far though said "talk about me". I couldn't get it until I asked our driver and he smiled and just said, "see". There we were, we were talking about him. As we pulled up next to him as the traffic slowed I swear he looked over at us and smiled and knew his sign had worked. Even the trucks have their version of the Liberian bumper sticker. See the picture below. I think it says God is #1, Real Madrid Two is #2 and goes through to Ronaldo who is #7.

Looking for what?

Amidst all the traffic noise one can always pick out the sound of very inspired preaching any day of the week and anytime of day.  I grew up going to church twice on Sunday and even some Wednesday nights. Many Liberians go everyday and all day Sunday. When we first got here my colleague Brian a silver haired and distinguished Kiwi thought it might be proper to go and visit one of the African Methodist churches and show respect and learn some more about the community. They sat him up front in the middle and six or seven hours later he returned exhausted, well fed and hoarse from singing. What I wouldn't give to have a tape of Brian's New Zealand accent joining with the local choir at full volume. Church is serious business here. Every faith is represented although the majority are some type of Evangelical Protestant. Just along the 3-mile strip from the main base to the heliport that I drive nearly every day I counted some 63 churches. Wild. 

Speaking of wild, the pastor of one of these churches is rather infamous in the recent history of Liberia. During the Liberian civil wars he was known to all as General Butt Naked. I am not making this up. And yes, for those of you familiar with the play Book of Mormon this is the man who was the inspiration for the character General Butt Naked. Well, those of you familiar with the play will recall that’s not exactly the character’s name but given the fact my kids read this we’ll leave it at that. He is now an Evangelical minister known as Joshua Blahyi but in his former life was a feared warlord and admitted cannibal and war crime perpetrator extraodinaire. Raised as a Sarpo tribal priest he converted to Christianity when, he says, Jesus appeared to him during a human sacrifice and asked him to repent his sins. Today Joshua Blahyi devotes himself to running a ministry, making amends, and rehabilitating former child soldiers. In his former life he ran the Butt Naked Brigade, a militia aligned with Samuel Doe who ruled the country for a time during the wars. There were countless militias in those days, led by men who adopted noms de guerre such as General Bin Laden, General Mosquito, Colonel Fire in the House, Major Blood and Lt. Double Trouble. Butt Naked’s soldiers were particularly ruthless—killers and rapists who fought naked except for guns and shoes. Their nakedness was meant to instill fear and, they also thought, to protect them. By their own admission, before battle they often sacrificed young children, ate their hearts, and drank their blood. “The hearts were roasted,” Blahyi told a reporter, as if that were a mitigating detail. You can find pictures of the same on the web but they are just far too graphic and disturbing to post. In 2008, in front of Liberia’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission, he claimed that he and his followers had killed more than 20,000 people.

Of all the African conflicts in late 20th century, the Liberian civil wars stand as among the most macabre, gruesome, and sensational. After his capture President Doe was videotaped being tortured. His ears were cut off and he was told to eat them. He finally bled to death on the floor as his captors sat around drinking Budweiser. Child soldiers, some as young as nine, ruled the streets. Taylor called his recruits the “Small Boys Units.” They were fueled by cocaine, alcohol, and marijuana, and would at times fight dressed as women or wearing wedding dresses, wigs, shower caps, and Halloween masks. Some fought naked, cutting off limbs and beheading people as they went. Cannibalism was not unusual. Some 300,000 people died in these wars, about 1 Liberian in 10. As horrific and recent as these memories are the Liberian people have moved on. Grace, forgiveness and redemption are not just words. They are truths they live out everyday. The fact that Pastor Blahyi lives among them is but a single example. There are thousands. Optimism is another overpowering fact of life here. Despite the grinding poverty, the challenges of daily life and the scourge of Ebola they never give up. I thought I was an optimist until I came here. Now I sometimes feel like Eeyore.

Today the former General Butt Naked lives in a rundown suburb of Monrovia called Chocolate City, as in the P-Funk album. George Clinton, like President Monroe, is on the Liberian map. Amazing Grace indeed. Heaven, what the Hell is Heaven.

General "Butt Naked" Blahyi today

Note: The lyrics to Heaven are by Brett Dennen 
and Natalie Merchant. Much of the information on General Butt Naked comes from a Vanity Fair article by Tom Freston

A little slice of my Heaven...